


Stop

by Rakshi



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Early Work, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-20
Updated: 2003-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-26 18:15:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean mentioned on his website that he became weak and dizzy from lack of food and sleep at Sundance 2002. Fearful that he's overdoing, Elijah and Mackenzie both want him to stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stop

Elijah walked into Mac's house without knocking. He was used to entering this way since the time when Dom lived here. "Mac!" he yelled. He knew Mac was home. His car was in the driveway and there was music playing. Elijah followed the music downstairs and spotted Mac standing at the bar with the phone to his ear. He moved toward Sean's brother, then saw Mac suddenly whack the top of the bar with his hand and hesitated.

"Goddamn it, Sean!" Mac spouted, obviously angry.

Elijah started to back away, but Mac's next words drove a sharp spike of anxiety into Elijah's gut and he stopped, dead, in his tracks.

"What the fuck is up with that? I don't like reading shit like that. It worries me!"

Sensing motion behind him, Mac slowly turned and spotted Elijah, who lifted his hands and started to walk away. Mac quickly covered the receiver. "Lij!" he half whispered. "Wait! Don't go!" He waved Elijah to the bar and gestured to a barstool, then turned back to the phone.

"Yeah. Sure." he said sarcastically. "Sure you will, Sean. When pigs spout wings and fly." He listened a moment with a worried frown on his face and eventually Mac sighed. "Fine. I'll call you later on to be sure you did!" Another moment of listening, then: "OK, Sean. Bye." Mac dropped the phone into its cradle and rolled his eyes.

"Jeeesus!" he whined, raising his hands toward the ceiling.

"What's up, Mac?" Elijah asked. "Is Sean OK?"

Mac shook his head and reached into the fridge to grab two beers. "You been on his web site lately?"

Elijah gave him a look. "Oh, sure, Mac," he griped. Like I've had time to sit and surf the web."

Mac sat an open Heineken down in front of Elijah and popped the top on his bottle. "He did some damned fool 30 hour marathon at Sundance. Pushin' and promoting. You know. Trying to grab the bucks for whatever project is burning a hole in his belly NOW."

Elijah nodded. "I heard about it briefly. Why? What's got you upset?"

Mac swigged on his beer. "The fact that I have to read on his freaking web site that he became dizzy and faint while he was there, but kept on pushing and promoting anyway! Damn it!"

Elijah sat his beer down slowly. "He was WHAT?" he asked Mac.

"Dizzy. Faint. Didn't last long I guess but…" Mac sighed and shook his head. His voice suddenly dropped. Became softer, quieter. "He's never still, you know. Never still for a moment. Always on the move. Always selling himself."

He looked up at Elijah who was studying the top of the bar. "What did Sean say?" Elijah asked, without lifting his head.

Mac shrugged and gestured with the beer bottle. "Oh, the usual 'Seanspeak'. Anything he thought would put me off the scent. He hadn't eaten. It was nothing. Yada yada."

Elijah wheeled and stared into Mac's eyes. "Do you think he's ill?"

Mac studied him for a moment. Elijah's face had blanched and his expression was troubled. But Mac felt something more. A potent energy, coiled and ready, seemed to suddenly permeate Elijah. Mac shrank back a bit without really understanding why.

"Is he ill?" Elijah shot, his voice throwing sparks.

"Fuck, Elijah. I don't know. He says not, but… " Mac's voice trailed off and he shrugged.

Elijah turned and picked up his beer bottle absently. He drank from it and stared into space.

"What are you going to do?" Mac asked him softly.

"What makes you think I’m going to do anything?" Elijah replied, swigging again from the bottle as he turned to face Mackenzie.

Mac smiled and laid his hand on Elijah's shoulder. "Because you're not teasing me about turning into his 'Sam'. Because you haven't picked the phone up to call him and bitch him out. You're thinking."

Elijah's eyebrows lifted and he sat the bottle down on the bar. He looked up at Mackenzie through his lashes for a moment, then reached in his shirt pocket. Mac wondered for a moment what he was after, then Elijah whipped out the smallest cell phones Mac had ever seen and punched in one number to quick dial. Whoever was on the other end answered at once.

"Hi!" Elijah said, brightly. So brightly that Mac wondered if it could possibly be Sean. Looking again, however, Mac saw that the cheerful voice did not touch his face or his expressive eyes. They remained somber. Mac smiled and his mind flashed on the fact that he was dealing with an actor. And a superb one at that.

"Just stopped by at Mac's and thought I'd ring you up," Elijah said conversationally. "So what you doing? You free? I'd like to see you."

He listened for a moment, nodding. "Well, yeah," he said in a lower voice. "It kind-of is, Sean. If you've got the time…" his voice faded into silence. "I'd…. I mean… I... really need to see you." Silence. "Forty-five minutes? Thanks, Seanie."

Mac smiled again and lifted his beer bottle in salute.

Elijah scowled at him, causing Mac to smile all the broader. "Sure, I'll wait," Elijah said quietly, his voice perfectly modulated and pitched to convey hesitant… almost shy… gratitude.

"Oh," Elijah replied into the phone. "Half hour? Better yet. See you soon then." Silence. "OK. I will, Sean." Silence. "I won't, Sean. Love you too. Bye." He hung up.

Mac slowly stood up, sat his beer bottle on the bar, raised both hands, and applauded vigorously. 'Bravo!" he cried. "I tried to get him over here and failed miserably." He winked at Elijah. "My hat's off to the master."

Elijah took a swig from his beer and used it to point to Mackenzie. "If you say one word to him to suggest that he was duped into coming over here… I'll cripple you!"

"Was he duped?"

"Maybe in the letter of it… but not the spirit," Elijah said softly. "I do need to see him. I just didn't know how much I needed to see him 'til I heard what you said about him maybe being ill."

"Now don't go telling him that I said he was ill!" Mac begged. "Jesus, Elijah! He'll be royally pissed at me if he thinks I was scaring you with that kind of talk."

Elijah was silent, staring at Mac and drinking his beer. "Do you think he's ill, Mac?" he asked finally.

"Elijah, I already told you I don't know!" Mac replied fretfully. He sighed and slid his empty beer bottle into a box under the bar. As he opened a fresh one, he cast furtive looks in Elijah's direction.

He wasn't sure how to categorize his older brother's relationship with this intelligent, immensely talented young actor. He knew that Sean was massively protective of him. He had said on more than one occasion that Elijah was 'more than a brother', a statement that twisted Mac's stomach with waves of painful jealousy. And he knew that Sean's intimate bond with Elijah has caused some very tense moments in Sean's marriage.

But Mac had no clue how far this intimacy had gone, and the one time he had broached the subject with Sean, he'd been gently but firmly told to please change the subject.

Elijah seemed a bit more open to conversation on the matter. But Mac knew instinctively that Sean wouldn't like hearing that Elijah had been pumped for information, so Mac resigned himself remaining in the dark... for the moment.

Elijah had stuck his beer bottle on the end of his finger and was twirling it absently. Mac reached out and grabbed his wrist. "You could break it and cut yourself that way. What are you going to say when he gets here?"

Elijah shrugged, pulled the bottle off his finger, and took a long swallow, emptying the contents. "Got another one, Mac?"

"Sure," Mac said, grabbing another beer from the fridge and sitting it in front of Elijah.

"You going to try to get him to slow down?" Mac queried.

Elijah laughed. "Mac, I don't know what I'm going to say to him." He took a swallow from his new beer, than set it down and lit a cigarette. Mac wrinkled his nose at the clove scent, but said nothing.

Elijah grinned and blew smoke in Mac's direction. "Has Chris tried talking to him?" he asked mildly.

Mac shook his head and sat an ashtray down in front of Elijah. "I'm not sure. I do know she gets annoyed at times because he's gone so much. And knowing Chris, she hasn't kept it to herself."

Elijah gazed over Mac's head at the decorative mirrors behind the bar. "No," he said quietly. "I imagine she hasn't." He turned and looked at Mac again. "But, that's not the kind of talk I had in mind."

"Elijah," Mac said suddenly. "Are you aware that Chris is very jealous of you?"

Elijah's eyes widened in stunned surprise. "Did Sean tell you that?" he asked, stubbing out his cigarette.

Mac wasn't sure if the surprise on Elijah's face came from what Mac had said, or simply from the fact that he'd dared to say it. "You learn that from my brother?"

"What?"

"That irritating tactic of answering a question with a question."

Elijah grimaced and shook his head. "No. And… no."

"No and no?" Mac said, watching him carefully.

"No, I didn't learn that from Sean. And, no. I didn't know she was jealous of me." He eyed Mac with a worried expression. "Does she hassle Sean about it? About.. me?"

"Does she have reason to be jealous?" Mac asked quietly. Then he winked at Elijah and nudged his beer toward him. "Two can play that game, bud. "

Elijah picked the beer up and looked at it, then sat it down again. "Mac, that's something you really should take up with Sean, don't you think?"

"I did," Mac confessed. "He told me to change the subject."

"It's good advise," Elijah told him, smiling.

Mac stared at the top of the bar. His finger drew slow, random patterns in the water that had dripped from Elijah's beer. He said nothing.

"Listen, Mac. If Chris ever asks you about Sean and I, you can honestly say that you know nothing. Don't you think that's for the best?"

"I'll tell you what I think," Mac said softly, lifting his head to look into Elijah's eyes. "I think my brother shuts me out. I think he tells the world that his relationship with you means more to him than his relationship with me." Mac heard Elijah gasp, but kept right on talking. "And I think that you, who CALL me a brother, do the same thing… shut me out."

"Jesus, Mac," Elijah said, reaching out to grasp Mac's wrist. "I know how much Sean loves you. He never, ever meant…."

*I know. I know," Mac interrupted him. "But it hurts none the less." He gently pulled his wrist out of Elijah's grasp. "Chris isn't the only one who's jealous of you at times."

"I wish you'd talked to me about this, Mac," a familiar voice spoke from across the room.

Mac and Elijah both wheeled to see Sean walking towards them.

"I've tried talking to you," Mac said quietly. "As recently as an hour ago I tried. I don't seem to get very far."

Sean took a seat at the bar next to Elijah, and though his hand made a gentle pass down the back of Elijah's head as he sat, his eyes were riveted on his brother.

"You're my brother, Mac," Sean said softly. "No one else on Earth knows me the way you do. Don't you know how much you mean to me? Jesus, do I need to review what we've been through together?"

Mac nodded. "I know, Sean. I know," he murmured. "But he," Mac declared, nodding gently toward Elijah. "Is 'more' than a brother according to you. I've heard you say it more than once."

"Mac!" Elijah cried. "I know Sean didn't mean it the way you're taking it."

Mac smiled at him and quietly reached out to rub his knuckles against the top of Elijah's shorn head. "Don't worry about it, little dude. I'm not complaining. No one could ask for a better big brother than the one I've got." He turned to Sean. "And I meant that. I'm just worried about you."

Sean grabbed Elijah's beer and took a long pull. "When you asked me about my relationship with Elijah… is that why? Because you felt jealous of him?"

Elijah fake-scowled and grabbed his beer back at exactly the same moment that Mac sat a fresh one down in front of him. Elijah grabbed them both, lifted them to his mouth and drank.

"Hey!" Sean complained, grabbing one of the beers. "No fair being greedy."

"It's what happens to me when I get around the Astin brothers," Elijah gibed. "I'm immediately overcome with an irresistible urge to drink myself into a stupor."

Sean shook his head in amused frustration and turned back to Mac, "Well?" he asked, eyebrows raised. "Is it?"

"Could be," Mac said, with a bit of a smirk. "On the other hand, it could have merely been small talk, and in truth I don't give a damn about your relationship with Uncle Weenie-Ass here."

Sean did not return Mac's half-smile. He reached out and took his brother's hand. "What do you want to know about Elijah and I," he asked steadily. "Ask me any question and I'll answer it." The words had no more than left his mouth before he winced and turned quickly to Elijah. "Jesus, Lij. I'm sorry. Is this OK with you?"

Elijah laughed softly and patted Sean's arm. "Perfectly OK," he said, grinning at Mac. "I just don't know if he's prepared for it is all."

Mac scowled at him and Elijah exploded into his trademark giggle.

Sean rolled his eyes. "Jesus! And I thought having one little brother was bad!"

Elijah and Mac both spoke at the same time. "Hey!" they yelped in protest. Mac yanked his hand away from Sean. "Wanker!" he added.

Sean turned to Elijah first and nudged him. "You don't wanna be my baby brother?" Elijah gave him a silent, stony look and it was suddenly Sean's turn to burst into giggles.

"And YOU," Sean said, pointing to Mac. "Just hush up."

"Just LIKE you," Mac said shaking his head. "Tell me to ask any question I want, then make me hush."

"I meant it," he said quietly. "Ask, Mac. Ask anything you want to know."

Elijah was throwing peanuts into his mouth and washing them down with beer. "He's chicken!" Elijah spouted around a mouthful of peanuts. "He won't ask."

Mac threw him a dagger look and Elijah whined and cowered in fake-fear. Mac and Sean both laughed at his antics and Elijah gave Mac a cross-eyed look and began making chicken noises. "Baa-gawk!" He clucked, flapping his hands under his arms. "Baaa-GAWWK!"

Mac raised his eyebrows. "Oh, really?" he said.

"Elijah!" Sean pleaded. "Please!"

In the midst of the clucking and pleading Mac asked a quiet question. "Are you lovers?"

Elijah gasped and choked on a mouthful of peanuts. Sean turned to whack him on the back and take the peanuts away. Then he turned to his brother. "Yes. We are."

"Jeez," Elijah said, his voice raspy from coughing, "Talk about cutting right to the fucking chase!"

"Is that what you meant by him being 'more' than a brother?" Mac asked.

Sean took a long pull on his beer. Then he turned to his brother and nodded. 'Yes. That's what I meant. I shouldn't have said it that way probably. It set Chris off something furious. But, it was like compulsive almost, Mac," Sean shook his head in frustrated bewilderment. "God, I don't know! I couldn't just say he's like a brother. He's that too. But it's… more somehow."

Mac nodded and then leaped forward to stop Sean from yanking on his own hair in frustration.

"What are you DOING?" Elijah cried, grabbing Sean's hand. "Stop that!"

"I can't explain it!" Sean half-yelled, pulling away from Elijah and turning to his brother. "Fuck, Mac! I don't understand it myself half the time. How can I explain it to anyone else? I love him!" he cried. He was silent for a moment. Then he grabbed Mac's arm. "I love him," he said with quiet urgency.

Mac smiled and nodded, patting Sean's hand. "I understand, Bro. I know. I always knew that part. You two are really pretty poor at hiding it. I just didn't know how… intimate it had gotten."

Sean blushed. "Well it's not like we… I mean we don't get to… " he glanced sideways at a grinning Elijah and scowled at his own inability to speak coherently. "I mean we're apart a lot and… " He rolled his eyes. "Oh, fuck it!" He chugged his beer and tossed the empty at Mac. "Get me another, please? I'm definitely not drunk enough for this conversation."

"And by the way, lover," Elijah said sarcastically, tugging on Sean's hair. "What the fuck is this crap about you pushing yourself at Sundance until you were dizzy and faint?"

Sean scowled at Mac. "Thanks," he said dryly.

"You're buuuusted," Mac sing-songed at him. "Hey," he shrugged at Sean's scowl and waved in dismissal. "If he can do something to make you slow down, good for him. No one else seems able to get through to you."

Sean sighed and quickly glanced sideways at a glowering Elijah. "I'm waiting for an answer," Elijah said, obvious nettled.

"Lij, please… " Sean appealed. "Can we just let it drop for now."

"Sure! No problem," Elijah said, brightly. He immediately chugged the remainder of his beer, slammed the bottle onto the bar, and stood up. "See ya, Mac. Thanks for the beers." He wheeled and walked quickly toward the stairs.

"Damn." Sean muttered. He lunged, grabbing for the back of Elijah's jacket... and missed. In a split second he was off the barstool and following in Elijah's wake. "Wait! Lij, please wait."

Elijah kept right on walking.

Sean stopped and sighed. "Lij, please. I’m sorry. We can talk about it now if you like." Elijah stopped but did not turn around. Sean quickly walked to him and placed both hands on Elijah's shoulders from behind.

"I'm sorry," Sean whispered against the back of his head, his hands moved up and down Elijah's arms soothingly. "I'm sorry."

Elijah turned around and Sean's arms immediately enfolded him.

"Forgive me," he murmured into Elijah's ear. "I was a jerk to post that on my web site. I should have known you'd hear about it and worry. We'll talk about it. Right now if you want." One huge hand moved slowly up and down Elijah's spine.

After a few moments Elijah eased back from their embrace, and allowed that hand to steer him back to his barstool. Mac saluted Elijah with his beer bottle behind Sean's back and Elijah snorted back a giggle.

"Hmmm?" Sean queried with a suspicious look on his face. His hazel eyes slid from his brother to Elijah and back again. Elijah's smirk did not escape his notice. "OK. OK," he muttered. "Enough with the Seantease."

Elijah smiled at him and reached to touch his hair, deftly moving a stray curl off his forehead. "You love it and you know it," he murmured in an undertone.

Sean furrowed his eyebrows and silently grimaced in denial.

"But," Elijah said, grabbing a handful of Sean's curls and using them as a handle to shake his head. "I'll tell you one thing I'm not teasing about. And that's you being so damned caught up in the money chase that you forget you're a human being who occasionally needs to rest and eat."

Sean glanced at Mac who was grinning like an ape, hugely enjoying the sight of his big brother getting dressed down by tiny Elijah. Sean smirked at Mac. "Oh yeah," he said sarcastically. "Just keep grinning, Macduck. Your day will come."

"Hey!" Elijah snapped. "I'm not kidding here! If I ever hear of anything like that again I'll… " His voice trailed off as he mentally searched for something sufficiently threatening.

Sean and Mac were both grinning at him, but Sean saw how serious he was, and reached out at the same time to embrace him.

"OK. OK," he murmured. "I won't. I promise. You don’t have to… "

Elijah pushed him away. "Sean, don't patronize me! I know I don't have the same right to say anything as Chris does, but that doesn't mean I worry less!"

Sean lowered his arms and chewed his lower lip. He wasn't quite sure how to handle this mood. Elijah seldom ever got really upset with him. He decided he'd better get serious… right this minute.

"Lij, I'm sorry," he said in a low voice. "You have every right in the world to bitch at me. I wasn't patronizing you. Honest. It's just hard to be totally serious when SOMEONE… " He half-stood and reached over the bar to whack Mackenzie with his baseball cap. "… keeps grinning and leering at me."

Mackenzie half-swatted back at Sean, then turned slowly to Elijah. "It's not money he's chasing," he observed mildly. "It's something else altogether."

Sean shot a glance at his brother "Mac," he rasped.

Elijah looked from one of them to the other. "Well, do I have to fucking ASK, Mac? If it's not money… what is it?"

"Mac!" Sean exclaimed.

Mackenzie turned to gaze at Sean and for a moment the brothers locked eyes.

"Don't," Sean breathed, his voice urgent with appeal.

Elijah's blue eyes slowly darkened with concern as he stared at his lover. He opened his mouth to speak, then thought better of it. Whatever was happening here was between these two men. These two brothers.

Elijah knew that there were aspects of his childhood that Sean would never discuss with him. He had asked Elijah to please not read his mother's books or search for the information contained in them. Elijah had respected Sean's wishes, but he hoped that Mac would speak now in spite of Sean's obvious reluctance to allow it. He felt close to discovering a hidden reservoir buried inside of Sean. A place where secrets central to his being were secluded. And Elijah's gut suddenly wrenched as he realized that Mac had already been to that secret place.

The brothers were still staring at each other, and Mac's eyes didn't leave Sean's as he placed both hands on the bar and leaned toward them. "He's not after money, Lij. When he's trying to get his projects funded, the money is the last thing on his mind. He'd rather hear someone say: 'God, man. I have no money. But if I did, I'd give it all to you because I believe in you' than have all the money in Fort Knox."

"Maaac," Sean sighed sadly. "What're you doing, man?"

Elijah spoke softly. "You mean he wants love."

Mac turned to him and smiled. "I mean he wants them to approve of who he is and what he does. Finances are secondary. And when big brother here is on a pilgrimage seeking love and approval, food and rest become secondary issues. The quest is all that matters."

"Mac, dammit, that's enough!" Sean snapped. "You make me sound like a totally fucked up head case."

"Oh, Sean, that's not true!" Elijah cried. "We all want love and approval. You obviously know that because you give so much of it to everyone around you."

"He just needs to remember to get his own pump primed now and then," Mac said with a grin. "Then he won't run so dry that he needs these marathon sessions."

Elijah wasn't quite sure he understood what Mac was saying, but obviously Sean did because he scowled at Mackenzie, his mouth twisted in irritation.

Mac smiled fondly at Sean, apparently not even seeing the scowl. He hesitated for a moment then half-whispered to Elijah, obviously wanting Sean to hear: "He can't ask for water when he's thirsty. He has to wait 'til it's offered. It's a religious thing."

Elijah giggled and Sean shook his head. "You are SO disinherited!" he grumbled.

Mac walked to his brother and held his arms out. "OK. You're the Hug-King. So give me a hug." Sean held his scowl for another 3 seconds, then hugged Mac tight. Elijah saw Mackenzie whisper into Sean's ear, then saw Sean nod slowly.

"Secrets?" Elijah queried with a smirk.

"I am an open book," Mac announced with a grin.

"Yeah… when you're telling MY story," Sean grumbled.

"I had no choice. Elijah's isn't interesting enough."

Elijah glared at Mackenzie who raised his hands in protest. "Hey! I'm just the brother here. Leave me out of this."

"Then GET out of it," Sean said quietly. "Go for a drive. Go have a massage. Go eat some lunch."

"Anything as long as I 'go'?" Mac asked.

Sean threw him a glance. "Please, Mac," he implored. "Give us an hour or so? We don't really get a lot of time together."

Mac smiled at both of them. "Tell you what," he said, reaching out to pat his brother's hand. "I'll give you the whole night. Stay as long as you like. I'll catch a show and go spend the night at Josh's house."

Sean reached to hug him again. When he pulled back he left both hands on his brother's shoulders. "Mac, I'm so sorry if you were hurt by anything I said. There's no one on Earth you need be jealous of. Not ever. Elijah is special to me. And we'll talk more about that another time. I'm sorry I haven't been totally open with you about it. I was just trying to protect… " He glanced at Elijah who smiled at him. "… my Frodo, I guess."

Mac reached to cover both Sean's hands with his own. "Listen, bud. I was your first Frodo… remember?" Sean nodded slowly, his eyes suddenly smarting. "I know how much you want to protect him... and everyone else you care about. Just don't shut me out, OK? Give me a chance to protect him too."

Sean nodded and the two brothers embraced again. "I was wrong to feel jealous," Mac assured him. "Guess I needed my own pump primed." As Mac pulled away he grabbed his keys, then reached to hug Elijah. "Thanks, brat," he murmured into Elijah's ear. "Thanks for making him ease back a bit."

Elijah hugged him tight. "My pleasure, Mac. Thanks for giving me the time with him. Means more than you could imagine."

"Oh, I don't know," he said, with a cocky grin in his brother's direction. "I can imagine quite a lot."

Sean blushed furiously, and Elijah punched Mac in the arm as he walked away jingling his keys.

"Damn!" Sean complained, rolling his eyes. "You two embarrass me half to death."

Elijah was staring after Mac. "He really loves you," he said quietly.

Sean took a deep breath and nodded. "I know. I'll be more open with him."

"And with me?" Elijah asked quietly. Sean said nothing, merely nodded, and after a moment Elijah turned back to face the bar and sipped his beer.

Sean eyed his profile, wondering how he could ever manage to put his feelings for this beautiful being into words. Language was Sean's forte. He had words for any occasion. But language, as Sean had discovered to his immense wonder, was totally inadequate at the two most important times in his life. When discussing his love for his children and when trying to put words around his love for Elijah Wood.

"Lij," he half-whispered.

Elijah turned to him and smiled. "Yeah. I'm here, Irish."

Sean reached, and with infinite tenderness, traced the planes and curves of Elijah's face. He knew he was biting his lip but couldn't make himself stop. He reached with his other hand, and both thumbs slowly smoothed the soft, fragile skin under Elijah's eyes.

Sean knew that the pull from those eyes was irresistible. And he smiled because he had no real desire to resist. For once he had all the time he'd need to drown in them and be reborn in them. His thumbs moved to the top of Elijah's eyes, and slowly, gently closed them. And as his lips brushed, feather soft, against the silk of Elijah's eyelids, he heard Elijah gasp as if stifling a sob.

Sean leaned back and allowed Elijah's eyes to slowly open. He spent a long, long moment lost in the cobalt fire that once again burned Elijah's name onto his soul, then he leaned forward to claim the lips he loved.

Elijah's hands were gentle in his hair as Sean lost himself in the taste of beer and cloves and the feeling of soft, full lips opening under his. His arms wound around Elijah's waist and pulled hard, yanking him off the barstool and up against Sean's body. Elijah laughed softly, and Sean felt the shape of Elijah's smile pressed against his lips.

Sean's arms tightened around Elijah's slender frame, encircling him. He was always amazed at how slight Elijah's body felt. Even with a weight loss that left Sean's compact body slim and well-honed, Elijah still felt delicate in his embrace. He wasn't, of course. But every protective instinct within Sean yearned to cherish him.

He kissed Elijah's cheek gently, then lifted him and sat him back up on the barstool, still holding him close. "God, you feel so incredibly good! I can't ever get enough of holding you."

"Then why did I have to work so hard to get you over here?"

"Did you?" Sean laughed, leaning back slightly. "When you called I had Chris standing at my elbow wheedling me mercilessly to finish a huge page of 'Lava' figures. She was going off a mile a minute while you talked: 'Who is it? You're not leaving! You have to finish this. Sean, you can't leave!"

Sean's tone was light, as he spoke and he rocked Elijah's body gently, but Elijah didn't smile. "I'm sorry if I made anything difficult for you, Sean."

"Right now, the only deeply difficult thing in my life is having to spend so much time parted from you." He pressed his lips against the curve of Elijah's neck and inhaled deeply.

"Sean, you have to promise me," Elijah breathed.

"Mmmm," Sean murmured, lost in the scent of Elijah's skin and hair. "Promise you what, baby?"

"Seeeean," Elijah half-whined, pushing on Sean's head to tilt it up. "Listen to me!"

Sean leaned his head forward again, shaking with laughter against Elijah's shoulder. "I love it when you make my name have 8 or 10 syllables," he squeaked. "SEEEAN…." Sean mimicked in a high falsetto.

"Do I have to get angry again to make you understand that I'm serious about this?" Elijah snapped.

Sean's head flew up, his face suddenly sober. "No. No. God, no. Please don't. I'm listening, Elijah. Honestly I am." His hands soothed Elijah's arms and shoulders. " What promise do you want?"

"That you'll stop!" Elijah whispered earnestly. "You have to stop, Sean."

Sean looked at him and sighed. The blue eyes were wide and his brow was furrowed with worry. "I do promise, baby," Sean said softly, reaching with his thumb to rub the worry lines away. "I get carried away because being really busy helps me."

"Helps you!" Elijah sputtered doubtfully. "How?" He grabbed at Sean's hand. "Stop that, Sean. I can't think straight when you do that. Stop trying to pet me into submission."

Sean half-smiled and lowered his hand. "OK. OK." He sighed. "It helps me because when I'm that busy I'm gone a lot. Cuts down on the fights and the number of questions I have to answer. Keeps me from thinking and stewing about us. About you. About everything."

"Right. Does all that. And I'll tell you what else it does," Elijah said. His teeth were on edge and Sean could see this was no time to try to sweet talk him.

Elijah began to tick off on his fingers. "You never see your girls. You never see ME. You're lonely." He lowered his hand and looked into his lover's eyes. "You should hear your voice on the phone, Sean. It breaks my heart! You get that alone and you start doing stupid stuff. Like this Sundance stunt of yours. You don't eat right. You don’t sleep enough."

Sean sighed and lowered his head. He heard Elijah's voice soften. "But it's mainly the loneliness. You need the people you love around you, Seanie. That's your nourishment. That's what sustains you. And when you don't have it.. something inside you starts to die. I won't let that happen. I can't lose you."

Sean peeked up at him. "I could take you with me."

Elijah smiled tenderly. "And I'd be glad to go anytime our insane schedules permit it. But that's not enough. I want your word that you'll stop. That you'll stop this madness. That I won't ever hear again about you being dizzy and faint and not taking care of yourself."

"Lij, I already said that I promised. And I do. I mean it." His hands moved up and down Elijah's arms. "I mean it, babe. I'm sorry. I love it that you care this much, but I'd never want you hurt because I get manic now and then."

Elijah leaned forward until he felt the solidity of Sean's body pressing against his own. "Did you hear your brother today, baby? I'm not the only one who gets hurt when you don't take care of yourself."

He glanced up and pressed a kiss against Sean's cheek. "Or when you don't let yourself feel loved." He leaned back to watch Sean's reaction.

"You really think I'm looking for love when I'm trying to get films funded?" he queried. Sean scowled and shook his head. "Interesting theory… but, I dunno."

Elijah shrugged. "Mac knows that part of your life better than I do."

Sean glanced at him quickly.

"But," Elijah continued. "I suspect he's right, at least in part. I think if you get turned down in situations like that, you feel it as a personal rejection. And, yeah. I think it hurts you. Leaves you feeling unworthy." He stroked Sean's curls softly. "Which, of course, you're not."

Sean nodded slowly. "OK," he murmured. "I'll remember that." He looked at Elijah and reached to pull him close again. "In the meantime," he whispered into Elijah's ear. "What do you say we accept my brother's invitation, and spend the night here. There's a nice, soft bed upstairs." He kissed the side of Elijah's neck.

"You'd stay all night?" Elijah asked, stunned. It was rare that they had whole nights together.

Sean nodded and tugged on the collar of his shirt, trying to bare more of that soft, pale skin.

Elijah pulled away and grabbed Sean's hand. "Let's go," he said, pulling Sean toward the stairs. "I don’t get a chance like this all that often. I'd like to show you just how worthy you really are."

"Beat 'cha, wanker!" Sean challenged, and tore up the stairs ahead of him.

"Oh, wrong and unfair, Astin!" Elijah complained, dashing up the stairs behind him. "You'll SO pay for that!"

Sean stuck his head out of a bedroom door and beckoned Elijah with a wave and a huge grin. "With any kinda luck."

The door closed behind them.


End file.
